Episode 163
Spouses - How much influence should they have on our business?
Welcome back, freedom seekers, to another enlightening Monday Mindset episode. We're thrilled to have you join us once again as we delve into a somewhat controversial topic today. As solopreneurs building businesses from the comfort of our homes, we often contemplate involving our spouses in crucial decisions. There are compelling reasons for this, from financial investments to time commitments that impact our families. But should we always let our spouses influence these decisions? Let's explore this topic further.
[00:00:00] - Introduction
In the world of entrepreneurship, the dynamics of involving our spouses in our business decisions can be intricate. From allocating investment capital to addressing family-related concerns, there are numerous factors to consider. On today's episode, we aim to unravel the complexities of this issue.
[00:01:00] - The Entrepreneurial Mindset
Running a business requires a unique entrepreneurial mindset that may differ from being a traditional employee. Entrepreneurs often face higher risks and uncertainties. While sharing our business details with our spouse seems like a natural step, it may not always be the best approach.
[00:02:00] - The Influence of Spouses
Relying on our spouses for approval or permission in our business decisions can be limiting. It's important to remember that their perspective may not align with the entrepreneurial path we've chosen. Moreover, even if they are entrepreneurial themselves, they may not fully grasp our business model.
[00:03:00] - Seeking Mentorship and Guidance
In many cases, it's more beneficial to seek mentorship or guidance from experienced individuals who understand our specific business challenges. While we value our spouse's input, relying solely on them can hold us back.
[00:04:00] - Gender Dynamics
Gender dynamics often play a role in this scenario. Men tend to be more confident and decisive in making decisions, while women may second-guess themselves and seek their spouse's input. However, trusting our instincts and making decisions that align with our mission is essential.
[00:05:00] - The Impact of Spousal Influence
Compromising our business decisions due to spousal influence can lead to resentment and regret. It's crucial to prioritize our business mission and follow our instincts, even if it means taking calculated risks.
[00:06:00] - A Personal Story
A personal example highlights how spouses may have different approaches to business. Even with a partner's managerial experience, their perspective may not align with our vision and methods.
[00:08:00] - A Client's Experience
We share the story of a client whose husband's pressure to give up her thriving e-commerce business created a dilemma. Following her instincts and business mission proved to be the right choice, despite initial challenges.
[00:10:00] - Trusting Your Instincts
Ultimately, trusting your instincts and understanding your business mission is paramount. Seeking counsel from third-party experts and maintaining healthy boundaries with your spouse ensures the best decisions for your business.
[00:12:00] - Embracing Growth Opportunities
Following your instincts may lead to unexpected growth opportunities. While the path may have occasional pivots, staying true to your mission is key.
[00:14:00] - Commitment to Your Mission
Successful entrepreneurs, like Elon Musk, make strategic decisions based on their commitment to their mission. Knowing your mission and staying dedicated to it guides your decision-making process.
[00:16:00] - Conclusion
In conclusion, as business owners, it's essential to trust your instincts, prioritize your mission, and seek guidance from third-party experts when necessary. While involving your spouse in decision-making is valuable, maintaining your autonomy and conviction is equally vital. Thank you for tuning in to this episode, and remember to stay true to your entrepreneurial journey. Until next time, goodbye for now.
Outro:
If you found this episode insightful, please subscribe to our podcast for more thought-provoking discussions. If you'd like to connect with us or need guidance on your business journey, reach out to us at lindsay@lindsaysutherland.com or visit our website, lindsaysutherland.com. Your entrepreneurial path is unique, and we're here to support you every step of the way.
Transcript
Other, Hey there.
Speaker:Freedom seekers.
Speaker:Welcome back to another Monday mindset episode.
Speaker:I'm so excited to have you here with me.
Speaker:I'm going to talk about something.
Speaker:Very, it could be, I guess.
Speaker:Considered controversial, you know, a lot of times when we're solopreneurs and we're
Speaker:building a business online or from home.
Speaker:It is easy to incorporate our spouse.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:For, for a lot of good reasons, sometimes there's investment capital
Speaker:that needs to be allocated, or just general funds that are group funds
Speaker:that gets put into the business.
Speaker:There's time commitments that need to be discussed that can affect the family.
Speaker:There's.
Speaker:So many different things that can ultimately affect the family.
Speaker:As well as.
Speaker:As just general safety and security, you know, sometimes our
Speaker:spouse is also our friend, right.
Speaker:And so it's easy to want to try to talk to them and, and work out details.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Let them know what's going on.
Speaker:I'll be good.
Speaker:Bad or indifferent.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And there comes a time where.
Speaker:I'm not sure it's necessary or actually wise, depending on the situation.
Speaker:Too.
Speaker:Rely on our spouses.
Speaker:I'm not saying not to talk to them about our business, but I'm saying
Speaker:relying on them for approval.
Speaker:Relying on them for.
Speaker:Permission.
Speaker:And the reason I say that is because in some cases, Our spouses may two things.
Speaker:I mean, in one case they may not be entrepreneurial.
Speaker:They might be more, there's a different mindset that goes into running a business
Speaker:and being an entrepreneur versus.
Speaker:Being a W2 employee.
Speaker:You know, we've talked about making that change and some of the things that it
Speaker:requires to run a business from home.
Speaker:There's more risk involved.
Speaker:That's just part of it, you know?
Speaker:And so one of the biggest things is, you know, things might seem risky or
Speaker:feel uncertain and it can be scary.
Speaker:And a lot of times our spouses might talk us out of good ideas.
Speaker:Not every case, obviously I'm making general statements here, so
Speaker:please take it with a grain of salt.
Speaker:If you have an amazingly supportive spouse and you know, that's awesome.
Speaker:But even then, I think having a supportive spouse doesn't always mean that.
Speaker:When things go south, it doesn't create conflict.
Speaker:I mean, that's just the reality of it.
Speaker:And even if your spouse is entrepreneurial, sometimes they
Speaker:just don't know your business model.
Speaker:So I want to give you two examples today.
Speaker:And kind of talk through this because, um, like I said, This could
Speaker:be a controversial topic for some people, because, you know, we want to
Speaker:think of our spouse as our partner.
Speaker:But unless they're a partner in our business, I don't know that.
Speaker:There it's like dividing church and state.
Speaker:I think there needs to be.
Speaker:At least.
Speaker:It guideline that says ultimately.
Speaker:You, the business owner are the decision maker.
Speaker:Does that mean you won't take their advice into consideration or whatever?
Speaker:Yes, of course.
Speaker:You know, Maybe, maybe for big decisions or things that could
Speaker:impact the fo the financial situation of the whole household.
Speaker:But once you get clicking along in your business, I
Speaker:don't know that it makes sense.
Speaker:In fact, I think in a lot of ways it can hold you back.
Speaker:So I'm, I'm speaking, actually, this is something that's come up, not just
Speaker:in my own life, but I see this happen with a lot of other solopreneurs.
Speaker:And then a lot of case more with women than with men.
Speaker:Men are pretty confident.
Speaker:They make decisions.
Speaker:And a lot of times in our relationship, women are very comfortable letting
Speaker:men make the decisions and having that free rein you could say to just.
Speaker:Get the job done.
Speaker:However, you know, for some reason more ladies, I think we start to
Speaker:second guess ourself, we start to.
Speaker:You know, think, oh, I should get his input on that.
Speaker:You know, we're very dynamic thinkers.
Speaker:We're very emotional decision makers.
Speaker:And sometimes we want to talk through these things and who better
Speaker:to do that within our spouse.
Speaker:I just think that at some point it comes down to either get your
Speaker:mentorship from somebody who is.
Speaker:In business and successful the way you want to be, like, get
Speaker:your guidance from somebody who's done what you're trying to do.
Speaker:Now, if that is your spouse.
Speaker:Super awesome.
Speaker:That's different.
Speaker:But in most cases, that's not the case.
Speaker:And a lot of times we're trying to leave a W2 returned to start a job.
Speaker:And our spouse is carrying the.
Speaker:The weight of that risk because they're working.
Speaker:And so we're motivated to bring them home.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, There's a lot riding on it.
Speaker:There's a lot of, of, I guess you could say energetic ties there, but.
Speaker:Speaking of this from a mindset, episode perspective.
Speaker:It doesn't do our mindset.
Speaker:A good deed.
Speaker:If we can't make a decision because we feel handcuffed by our partner.
Speaker:And so I want to share with you, like I said, a couple of examples.
Speaker:One is my story.
Speaker:I know a lot of you've heard my story, but I was a primary income earner.
Speaker:In our family and my husband has been an entrepreneur real estate investor.
Speaker:So it would seem like he would be a great.
Speaker:Partner in this like to talk to, to help get feedback.
Speaker:He's been a manager, he's run companies.
Speaker:He's owned companies.
Speaker:It's, this is why I think it's interesting because at the end of the
Speaker:day, the way he does things, isn't the same as the way I do things.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Also, he doesn't understand my business model.
Speaker:He doesn't understand my customers and my mission and what I'm about.
Speaker:He would do this same business totally differently.
Speaker:And so, although that can be great to get his feedback and opinions.
Speaker:I have found that in general, it's not great.
Speaker:And early on, when I felt like I had to get his permission.
Speaker:Before moving forward with things.
Speaker:I felt really, I struggled.
Speaker:I struggled because.
Speaker:I'm an action taker.
Speaker:He's a thinker.
Speaker:He wants to think about things and think through it and think through it.
Speaker:And I'm like I learned by doing, I need to be taking action.
Speaker:So, see, it just didn't make sense for me too.
Speaker:Do it his way, I guess, is what you could say.
Speaker:And ultimately it.
Speaker:Created conflict that more conflict, I think, than if I
Speaker:would have just moved forward.
Speaker:And, you know, I do agree that setting some healthy boundaries
Speaker:in the relationship, like, you know, we made it clear.
Speaker:We're not going to leverage my, my house to fund my business.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Like we, we set boundaries.
Speaker:As far as you know, what was approved between the two of us.
Speaker:But on the day-to-day.
Speaker:I make the decisions and do I talk to him about it?
Speaker:Yeah, but you know what?
Speaker:It's like, it's more like when I worked at a job.
Speaker:And I would just come home and kind of tell them about my day.
Speaker:It's very much more like that versus that feeling of, I can't make a
Speaker:decision without talking to him.
Speaker:It's really important.
Speaker:You know, um, I get to share with you a true story from one account,
Speaker:from one of my clients who she gave me permission to share this, because
Speaker:we both understand the impact of, you know, being vulnerable and sharing
Speaker:these types of things and how this is something that a lot of people go through.
Speaker:And that's why I'm bringing it up on the podcast because.
Speaker:Um, she's run a business for 12 years.
Speaker:It's an e-commerce business, by the way, I'm going to give her a plug
Speaker:here because it's a great business.
Speaker:It's called dapper in darling.
Speaker:You can find her website.
Speaker:At Dapper darling.com.
Speaker:She makes custom silhouette.
Speaker:Portraits and jewelry of children and pets.
Speaker:And it's just an adorable brand.
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:And after 12 years in business, you know, things weren't, her
Speaker:business was hitting a plateau.
Speaker:It wasn't growing the way she wanted it to.
Speaker:She made some choices.
Speaker:And ultimately at first she was certain that they only were going to
Speaker:impact her business, but in the end it also impacted her family and her
Speaker:husband was very unhappy with her.
Speaker:He asked her to give up the business.
Speaker:And he was coming from a place.
Speaker:I mean, I know he was coming from a place of kindness.
Speaker:Like he, he wanted what was best for their family.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:But he was at telling her that, you know, either figure this out or give it up.
Speaker:And my goodness.
Speaker:Can you imagine, first of all, being an entrepreneur.
Speaker:Committing 12 years of your life to building a business.
Speaker:And walking away from it.
Speaker:That is a hard pill to swallow and what's more is, it's not like
Speaker:the business was totally under.
Speaker:It was like, It's got tons of potentials.
Speaker:So it's, it just didn't make sense.
Speaker:It would be more cost-effective.
Speaker:To buckle down and get the business productive in a new way.
Speaker:Then.
Speaker:To give it up and start over.
Speaker:I mean, we all know.
Speaker:What it's like starting a business from scratch or going back to a W2
Speaker:after you haven't been in a W2 for so long and here her girls are.
Speaker:Well, you know, she's, uh, she loves the flexibility of being home with
Speaker:the family when she can and working at night after they're in bed.
Speaker:I mean, just all the good things that come with being an entrepreneur.
Speaker:She's got it.
Speaker:Dialed in right.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:I I'm her consultant.
Speaker:And so I told her that I'm not going to obviously.
Speaker:Tell her what to do, but I definitely said you have to follow your heart
Speaker:and that's really the message here.
Speaker:There comes a time where.
Speaker:The advice from our spouse can feel very.
Speaker:Um, Hmm.
Speaker:Pressury for lack of a better word.
Speaker:And she did feel very pressured, very pressured to.
Speaker:Produce.
Speaker:I mean, he was giving an unrealistic timeframe to, he was
Speaker:like within 30 days or 60 days, that was just not going to happen.
Speaker:There's no way to take a business and.
Speaker:You know, double the profits in 30 days, like magically overnight.
Speaker:Especially consistently might be a one-off, but to really put in the
Speaker:processes and figure in out the marketing and dial everything in,
Speaker:it just doesn't happen like that.
Speaker:So, um, I told her, I said, it's, it's unrealistic.
Speaker:And he doesn't understand it cause he's never ran a company.
Speaker:So I said, you're going to have to dig in and feel, feel into
Speaker:like, where do you want to go?
Speaker:Do you want to give it up or do you want to stay with it?
Speaker:That's a decision that you can make.
Speaker:I'm not, I'm not here to tell you what to do with your business,
Speaker:but I will point out that it is going to be more financially.
Speaker:Struggle on your family.
Speaker:To give it up and start over and to give it up and go get a job.
Speaker:Maybe, you know, like there's just so many unknowns that it's sounded easy enough
Speaker:to say we'll give it up and go get a job.
Speaker:You'll be.
Speaker:To be better off.
Speaker:It sounds easy, but it's not necessarily.
Speaker:And then what about like six or eight months after that?
Speaker:When the job isn't panning out and it's like, I shouldn't
Speaker:have given up my business.
Speaker:And now knowing that you did it because of.
Speaker:Because of the pressure from the spouse rather than because
Speaker:it's what you wanted to do.
Speaker:And that's where I'm coming from today.
Speaker:Like the message here is to do follow your heart and do what.
Speaker:Your instincts are telling you.
Speaker:And yes.
Speaker:Does it make sense to get counsel from a third person?
Speaker:Third party person?
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:And if you need a business consultant or a coach.
Speaker:Or a mentor.
Speaker:Um, maybe you read literature, you look online.
Speaker:It doesn't matter if you want to get your.
Speaker:Influence from another source, but at the end of the day, We make the decisions.
Speaker:We know what we're capable of.
Speaker:We know.
Speaker:What our instincts are telling us.
Speaker:And to me, our instincts are a hundred percent.
Speaker:The path.
Speaker:to.
Speaker:To go like the a hundred percent to follow.
Speaker:That's scary in a lot of cases because, you know, we want to feel
Speaker:confident that our instincts are going to be the magic solution.
Speaker:And sometimes the instincts lead us down a path that we have to pivot again later.
Speaker:And it's, it's frustrating.
Speaker:It can feel frustrating.
Speaker:But the reason that happens is because we had a growth opportunity there.
Speaker:Something good came out of that.
Speaker:And ultimately we are our decision maker.
Speaker:We have to be the person to make that final decision.
Speaker:Because when we rely on other people to influence our decision,
Speaker:ultimately it leaves us feeling.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:Resentful.
Speaker:And the last thing you want is to reset your spouse because you
Speaker:made a decision, you compromised on a decision that was your truth.
Speaker:Because of their influence.
Speaker:And so that's really the heart of the message today, you know,
Speaker:just as a business owner, it's a scary thing to think about it.
Speaker:I was listening yesterday.
Speaker:There's a podcast called we study billionaires and they
Speaker:were talking about Elon Musk.
Speaker:And I'm not like a massive Elon Musk fan, but I find people interesting
Speaker:that run billion dollar companies.
Speaker:And one of the things that they were talking about was how.
Speaker:He made strategic partnerships throughout.
Speaker:His career.
Speaker:Out of building his business.
Speaker:And then there were times that he just straight up dropped people.
Speaker:At the risk of burning a bridge.
Speaker:And the ultimate reason was because he knew his mission and he was
Speaker:always committed to the mission.
Speaker:I think that's really important here.
Speaker:When we are building a brand, we need to know what our mission
Speaker:is and be committed to that.
Speaker:That will help guide us in our decision-making process.
Speaker:And if you don't know your mission or you're unclear about your, where you're
Speaker:going, you know, That's where doing some deep inner work is helpful, you know,
Speaker:that's hence why we did his mindset.
Speaker:Um, I invite you to reach out to me.
Speaker:I'd be happy to jump on a call and help you talk through and get some clarity.
Speaker:Um, that is truly one of the things that.
Speaker:I feel like is my gift is helping people.
Speaker:Hear the truth that's coming out of them and find it within themselves.
Speaker:So you can always connect with me.
Speaker:Um, best place really is my email.
Speaker:It's lindsay@lindsaysutherland.com.
Speaker:That's really the best place.
Speaker:But also on my website, Lindsay sutherland.com has
Speaker:a contact form page as well.
Speaker:So, um, All that to say really the heart of the message today is there's
Speaker:times where as business owners it's scary and we have to make decisions.
Speaker:Sometimes we make decisions that.
Speaker:Rub our spouses, the wrong way.
Speaker:Like make them.
Speaker:Not comfortable with the choices we're making, but when we have
Speaker:the conviction within us and we know that that is what's best.
Speaker:It is irresponsible not to follow that.
Speaker:You know, if you're, if your business is about a mission and you have a
Speaker:clear direction and a clear path to go.
Speaker:It's irresponsible not to follow that.
Speaker:It's irresponsible to your business.
Speaker:What's really interesting too, is.
Speaker:If you think about it like this, let's say you do walk that path.
Speaker:You do follow your heart and you do.
Speaker:And up, um,
Speaker:Following your guidance, despite what other people think.
Speaker:And it works out.
Speaker:They're going to be happy.
Speaker:They're going to be supportive.
Speaker:On the flip side.
Speaker:And we don't think about that.
Speaker:We only think, well, what if it goes wrong?
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Then they're going to be disappointed.
Speaker:But at the end of the day, You know, they're going to be happy and
Speaker:they're going to support us more.
Speaker:And they're going to say, you know what?
Speaker:You were right.
Speaker:I should have trusted you.
Speaker:So that's it for today's episode.
Speaker:I appreciate you tuning in as always until next time.
Speaker:Bye.
Speaker:For now.
